That’s right, I said it. And now this fuckwit of a human being is getting her own action figure doll? If this isn’t a ‘wtf’ moment then I don’t know what is. A company called Herobuilders has recently unveiled their creation and Bachmann’s doll will be sold alongside the likes of Blagojevich (the impeached Illinois gov), Ahmadinejad (pres of Iran), and even Joe the Plumber (douchebag extraordinaire). Wow, kids across the country should be so lucky to snag these ‘heroes’ for their collections! When the CEO of Herobuilders was asked what goes into choosing a figure for his dolls he had quite the interesting response.
“There’s a lot of thought that goes into that,” he said. “Sometimes it’s just very easy, like Joe Wilson when he called Obama a liar. I mean you have to be an action figure then. Sarah Palin, that was pretty obvious.”
That’s it? All you have to do is prove that you’re a beacon of stupid and you get your own action figure? Did I also forget to mention that these dolls are starting at $39.95 and go up to well over $100 a pop? Awesome. Anyway, since the requirements of becoming a ‘hero’ in plastic form are certainly specific, let’s go over why Bachmann apparently deserves this.
Swine flu seems to be on everyone’s mind these days, so let’s start there. H1N1 can prove to be quite devastating this flu season and Bachmann has some interesting thoughts on what caused it.
“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat President, Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” – Michelle Bachmann
Did she just… yes, I think she did. Not only is she “not blaming” swine flu on Obama, she doesn’t even know that it wasn’t Carter that first handled the outbreak in the 70s – it was Republican President Ford. Hmmm what else doesn’t Bachmann know? Well, a few more quotes courtesy of Keith Olbermann of MSNBC. (I love him!)
“I don’t think it has been established yet, as a fact, that global warming is the issue of the day.” (laughter ensues)
“But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. Carbon dioxide, Mr. Speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature.”
“She (Nancy Pelosi) is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s been trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago. They saved the planet, we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.”
“Really, now in Washington I’m a foreign correspondent on enemy lines.”
“I want people of Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of energy tax… ”
“It is the mother of all ironies, John and Brian, that the kids who voted en masse for Barack Obama are the ones being fitted with shackles and chains.”
“Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal.”
So, if being a bumbling, stupid, ignorant, god-fearing cunt is all you need to be for someone to epitomize you into mini-plastic form , Michelle Bachmann deserves one.
Score another point for science and evolution. Actually, make that a hundred points… that’s how important this is. Some of you might be familiar with “Lucy,” the oldest remains of a human ancestor ever found that dates back to over 3 million years ago. Well, in 1994, scientists came across yet another skeleton and for the past 17 years they’ve been researching “Ardi,” or Ardipithecus. Ardi, like Lucy, is female and also lived in the area in and around today’s Ethiopia. Her skeleton is the oldest known hominid ever found – nearly 4.4 million years old.
What’s a hominid? Good question. According to the most reliable source in the world, Wikipedia (heh):
A hominid is any member of the biological family Hominidae (the “great apes”), including the extinct and extant humans, chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans. This classification has been revised several times in the last few decades. These various revisions have led to a varied use of the word “hominid”: the original meaning of Hominidae referred only to the modern meaning of Hominina, i.e. only humans and their closest relatives.
So, basically, Ardi is a very distant ancestor… of us! Or at least an extremely close relative. According to researchers, Ardi was about 4 feet tall and 110 pounds (more than some of us that are nearly a foot taller). Walked upright? Check. Opposable thumbs? Double check. Her toes were, too! She also had a variety of teeth meaning she was most likely omnivorous. Like us? Check.
Okay, so what’s the most important aspect of all of this work done? It is science working at it’s best. Nothing is ever 100% certain and this proves just how the scientific method works. Studies upon studies upon studies have been stating that our earliest ancestor was around 3-4 million or so years ago. Well now…
“In fact, what Ardipithecus tells us is that we as humans have been evolving to what we are today for at least 6 million years,” says C. Owen Lovejoy, an evolutionary biologist at Kent State University.
And tomorrow, Friday, we’ll all get to hear more about this exciting revelation. What? Don’t like that word? Hey, it’s tainted but it still works!
Edit: Much more information is out now out and about, but there’s one issue that concerns me. There are claims circulating that perhaps man was first and then the apes and chimps descended out of them. Yes, see for yourselves. Direct from their article:
Man didn’t descend from apes. What is closer to the truth is that our knuckle-dragging cousins descended from us.
and also this little gem:
(Ardi) is descended from the “missing link,” or the last common ancestor between humans and apes.
Now, I’m not saying that it isn’t possible that some scientists might be suggesting this… it’s just pretty ridiculous for me to believe. Maybe these so-called scientists are the same kind that like to wear tinfoil hats? Do they not know the basics of evolution/natural selection at all?! Nature alters these organisms and if they survive and reproduce, they will generally continue to do so until stopped. Just because Ardi is more “human-like” to some people doesn’t mean she is more closely related to us. And if I hear the “missing link” one more time I’m going to throw a fucking crocoduck in someone’s face. Where the hell are these people getting their degrees from?!
Never had I ever imagined I’d be using those two phrases together in a sentence, yet here we are. I have been following the progress of this ‘project’ for weeks now and I’m still up in the air about it. On one hand, this could be quite humorous as it seems Comfort thinks he’ll be converting atheists to Jesus. On the other, he’s being very secretive about it all and kids that haven’t made their minds up yet could possibly be swayed thinking that Comfort’s “special introduction” is actually meant to be taken as scientifically as the contents of Darwin’s book. I’d like to believe that most college-goers are smarter than that, but you never know in this day and age.
My main issue with it all is that Comfort (and his boy-toy Kirk Cameron) are claiming that atheist professors are “brainwashing” their students. If I’m not mistaken, students have the ability to major in whatever subject they like as well as take many classes as electives in whatever field they choose. I’m not sure how a biology professor, or any science professor for that matter, should be teaching anything less than what that subject entails. Creationism, in essence, refutes much of what biology is founded upon so why should they be taught in conjunction? Not to mention that the idea of an intelligent designer isn’t what everyone believes – religiously or not. Why should a Buddhist kid be forced to listen about what only Christians think and vice versa? This is a case of idiocy at it’s finest.
To understand the absolute nuttiness of these two, let’s quickly revisit one of their so-called arguments for intelligent design: the banana. Because the banana fits in our hand, fits in our mouth essentially means it’s a creation from a god. Comfort held to this claim for quite awhile even though it’s common knowledge that the banana as we know it today has been genetically-altered to be a much larger version than it’s wild relative. God exists because bananas exist! Right? Lots of things fit in your mouth… make an argument for those! Additionally, the banana can also fit in your bum – did this god intend for that, too?
Getting back to the issue at hand – according to Ray Comfort’s blog @ Living Waters he is now refusing to answer questions related to this book handout. Why? Well, he says..
“From now on I will refuse to answer questions about the book or its contents,” Comfort said, “because there is such a deep-rooted anger in the atheist world about this publication.
“They desperately want to stop us,” he said, “and I don’t want to give away any further details regarding the campaign.”
I understand his desire to keep this hidden.. who wouldn’t want this to be a big secret when those crazy, terrible atheists could come and counter it? However, he’s not doing a very good job. There are lists circulating as to what universities will be included in this public showing of nonsense and groups are forming to provide a counter-attack. What isn’t hidden is Comfort’s 50-page special introduction to the book. Available on his website, it is basically a bunch of bible-quoting with an undertone of attacks on Darwin’s character and supposed links. According to Comfort, Darwin was a womanizer, racist and has an “undeniable connection to Hitler.” Even if these were all true things, how does that change what his research showed? It doesn’t. What’s equally as disturbing as the claim of Darwin being a less-than-savory person, is that the same acts of villainy can be shown in the bible. No one could be such a hypocrite, right? The banana guy can!
If this circus happens to come to a city/university near you, feel free to take action. Get your local secular group involved and show up with scissors, recycling bins, and a smile! As controversial as this can get, let’s also try to keep it civil. It’s hard enough getting a good image of atheists out there…
Edit: This pretty much explains everything I’d love to say but in video form. Thank you, ZOMGitsCriss.
… whoever you are! I’m a twentysomething, single female atheist with a lot to say. I feel that atheists, in general, don’t really have as active a voice as our religious counterparts – let alone women atheists – and I hope to help remedy that here. I sort of feel like a mythical creature in a fantastical world of nonsense.
Lately I’ve been browsing the internet trying to find statistics on exactly how many female atheists are out there in comparison to their male counterparts. Various sites claim the ratio is, at best, 2:1 in favor of the men. I find this incredibly believable as in my own family I happen to be the one female to my father and brother. If only my mother (who is a non-practicing believer) would jump ship and help me out! I also have no trouble believing this claim because of how women, by in large, tend to be more emotional. Religious beliefs are very emotional because of how they make you feel. I often wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that women are so few in the scientific field. Science references things that you can see and test – not relative to how you feel… I’m not saying women should remove themselves from their emotional tendencies but merely learn how to identify them as irrational ways for making many decisions.
Now I know you’re thinking I must be some militant feminist who wants women to be free of all stereotypes and stigma, but that’s not entirely true. I appreciate women who take the more traditional roles of being mothers, caretakers, teachers, etc. I just find it disheartening that many people, even today, aren’t teaching their daughters that they could be so much more. They can use their brains, critical thinking, logic and intelligence just as well as anyone else – and should! We’re giving these girls the most terrible role models who epitomize every ill stereotype possible. I wonder if there will be time to make a difference while I’m still around…